Archive for July 2009
*****In case anyone missed this on The Birth post, this is a comment from The Good Ex-Wife (who is the girlfriend I am talking about in these posts). I wanted to make sure that everyone is aware of what the situation was.*****
The Good Ex-Wife wrote:
Ouch…this is a little painful…okay, here goes. To be fair, he didn’t tell me about her. At all. We started dating (and yes, his car was repo’d, phone disconnected, etc….don’t ask me why I didn’t RUN the other way!!!) and he didn’t mention her for about a month!!! When he finally did tell me about her, the story I got was “There is this girl who is kind of like a friends with benefits kind of friend who’s pregnant. She says the baby might be mine, but it might be this other guy’s too…she doesn’t know. If it IS my baby, I just want you to know that I AM going to be a father to him, and if you can’t handle that we need to end this right now.” Wow. I was needless to say – blown away!!! Part of me wanted to run, screaming. The other part thought that he sounded really stand up for taking his responsibilities seriously because family is so important to me. I agreed to stick in it. When the baby was born, he INSISTED that I go to the hospital with him. I told him I didn’t think it was right. He said that he needed me there, and that if I was going to be in his life, or if this WAS his child, in his son’s life, that I would do this with/for him. He assured me that because they had only been “friends with benefits” that it wouldn’t bother her in the least. I felt like the biggest ass in the world! I’m sure I’ve been less comfortable at other times in my life…but I can’t remember when! As he held his child, he said to me “this is NOT a (fill in his last name here)” He got VERY upset about his name (first, middle AND last) and I asked him “what do you care if you don’t think he is yours?” to which he replied “I’m sure she only did that because she didn’t know who the father was.” He had a way of saying things and convincing you that it was true, and I guess if you WANT to believe someone, it’s easier to swallow their lies. At this point we were only dating for 2 months (I KNOW! WHAT was I thinking???) and got engaged later that week (although he had already bought the ring and planned on proposing and obviously told her in the hospital the night baby was born). All I can say is that I never would have gotten involved with him had I known what he was really like…but I can’t say that I’m sorry that I did, just like she can’t. We got the only good things that he had to offer, and I love them with all my heart! Bonus: a couple of good friends 
OK…back to my story
Shortly after the birth of my dear sweet lovable little Zman a battle started to brew between myself and Sperm Donor #1. If I remember correctly, he was about a month old when Sperm Donor #1 up and decided he might not be his daddy and ordered the DNA test to establish paternity. I found this quite interesting since the entire time I Was pregnant, he did not question it once. He also knew damn well that there was no chance that Zman was anyone else’s child unless there had been an immaculate conception. However, he still insisted that we have a DNA test (that he had to pay for) to confirm he was in fact his father.
So there we were. The three of us crammed into the tiny room in the child support office waiting to get our mouths swabbed with a giant q-tip.
After that, the waiting began. During that time, Sperm Donor #1 did not try see my son or call to check on him.
I will never forget that glorious day in June when I called my child support case worker and asked her if the results were in yet. She informed that they were and agreed to fax them to me at work. I remember picking up the phone to call Sperm Donor #1 to inform him that he was proven to be Zman’s father and the results were 99.99%. Yes, 99.99% is exactly what the paper read.
It was after that day that Sperm Donor #1 decided he was going to step in to be a Daddy. I however was not willing to give in that easily. By this time, Zman was already 3 months old and I had been covering all expenses for him including the cost of daycare by myself (with additional help from my parents when needed). Sperm Donor #1 never offered or made an attempt to help me.
We finally went to court in early September of 1999 to establish paternity and child support. I agreed to letting him take him every other weekend. A few weeks later, he got married and that was that.
About a month after he got married, I received a call from someone at The Jenny Jones Show. They were calling in regards to an upcoming show entitled How Someone Ruined Your Special Day. Apparently a mutual friend of ours had submitted my story to the show about Sperm Donor #1 being a dick and informing me of his upcoming nuptials after just having given birth to his first born son. I admit…..I considered going on the show for a split second and then I graciously declined. Sperm Donor #1, myself & his new wife were all getting along fine and I thought why fix something that ain’t broken?
Coming Monday: The Fire Fighter
When I left off with the story, I was awaiting the birth of my son.
On the morning of February 11th, 1999 I was admitted to the maternity wing of the local hospital to induce labor due to a horrendous rash I had developed. I did not inform Sperm Donor #1 (that’s what I will refer to him as from this point forward) that I was going to the hospital and did not feel I needed to until things were moving along.
After enduring hours of being on Pitocin and not seeing much progress, the nurses were contacting my physician to get permission to release me. The moment the nurse walked in the room to tell me they were sending me on my merry way, I sat up in bed and my water broke. That’s when I decided I should probably give Sperm Donor #1 a call and let him know his son would be gracing us with his presence soon. When I made that call he informed me that he was only coming up to the hospital if his new girlfriend could join him. Seriously!? Did he really just ask me that??? You bet your ass he did! I, of course, told him no. He was welcome to be there when his son was born however she was not.
Needless to say……he did not show.
My beautiful little boy was born at 6:59 the following morning and I was kind enough to inform Sperm Donor #1 within a half an hour that his son had arrived. I, again, informed him he was more than welcome to come meet his son but reminded him that his new girlfriend was not on the invitation. Apparently, he didn’t get that memo because when he finally showed up over an hour later, he walked into my hospital room and there she was…..right behind him….the new girlfriend. Yep. That’s how I met her. Hours after giving birth, in my hospital gown in all that sweaty glory, there she stood holding my newborn son. (Imagine my anger!!!!!)
I can tell you this. I did get more revenge that day. Sperm Donor #1 was shocked that 1. I had given my son a completely different name from what we had discussed months ago. 2. I had not given my son his father’s name as his middle name and apparently broke family tradition. and 3. My son had my last name, not his father’s.
As far as I was (and still am) concerned, he is MY son. Yes, I said it….MY SON!
Needless to say, Sperm Donor #1 did not stick around at the hospital very long. He did however return later that night by himself. He immediately addressed the issue he had with my son’s name. He was not happy. At one point he told me that I had given my son a ‘fag’ name. Yes, those are his exact words. This came right out of his mouth as he is sitting there holding my newborn baby boy.
Not even 10 minutes after he makes this inappropriate comment in regards to my son’s name, he goes on to tell me…..
Sperm Donor #1: You’ll never guess what I did?
Me: What?
Sperm Donor #1: I bought her a ring and asked her to marry me.
Me: Get the hell out of my hospital room and don’t ever plan on coming back!!
And yes, that’s exactly how it went down. This S.O.B. got engaged to a woman he knew for 2 seconds and decides to announce it to me less then 24 hours after I had just given birth to his offspring.
Bastard.
Coming Friday: The Battle that is Establishing Paternity & The Drama that is The Jenny Jones Show
It began 14 years ago.
14 years ago this past January, I started working at the good ol’ Montgomery Ward, like many, many of my female relatives. I wish I could say that Montgomery Ward was irrelevant to this story however it played a very large part. If not for that job at that point in my life I’m sure things would have turned out far different then they are today.
I had been working in the housewares department for a little over a week when this really good looking guy walked past my register on the way to the electronics department. He was all dressed up complete with a fancy tie. As he walked by, he waved and gave me this little grimace. How was I to know that meeting him was about to change my entire life?
We started dating about a week later. We spent every moment we could together. If I wasn’t t at school or we both had the day off we were attached at the hip. Even when we were working, we took our breaks together or gabbed on the phone from one department to another when we weren’t busy.
Yep. That job changed my life.
We went back and forth for a few years. One minute we were as happy as we could be in love only to turn around and hate each other the next. There were moments when he made me unbelievably happy and then there were the times he made me cry uncontrollably.
About three and a half years after we met, we discovered I was pregnant. At this time, we were back together and we were happy. We were both excited about the baby and were elated to discover we were having a little boy. Our little boy. For weeks….months….we threw around names for our little man. We had our brief….very brief moments when we agreed on a name and then I would change my mind.
With the end of my pregnancy in sight and things still going well between us I was looking forward to what the future had in store for us. Little did I know, that was all about to change.
My uncle passed away in December of 1998. I spent my 20th birthday at his funeral while extremely pregnant. Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse. It did. He also broke up with me. Told me he had been seeing someone else for the last week and wanted to try to give things with her a chance.
Yes. Here I was, after my uncle’s funeral, on my 20th birthday, pregnant and now single.
That day, I felt as though my heart had been ripped out, beaten with a sledge hammer and the microscopic pieces were scattered everywhere.
However, I didn’t let it end that easily. I was not about to stand there and let this break up be so easy.
So, what did I do?
I got revenge!
It started with having his car repossessed. Yes, you heard me correctly. That was me. I’m the bitch that told the bank where they could find the car that he hadn’t made payments on for months. There he sat at work as the tow truck came and hauled it away right before his very eyes. What did he do???? He had the nerve to call me and ask for a ride. What did I do??? I told him to call his new girlfriend and ask her for a lift.
One would think that would have been revenge enough. To me…..it wasn’t.
I had his cell phone service disconnected.
About a week later he let me know that he was now moving in with this new girl that he had now known for a month.
****Remember, this is just the first part of a very very very long story****
Coming Thursday: The birth of my son.
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